I am so sorry.
It has taken me over 30 years and two children of my own to be able to fully understand your importance in my life and I am so very sorry it has taken me this long to acknowledge you.
I am sorry for the times that I got mad at you because you put down your foot and told me 'No'. You were right, I was wrong. You knew what my boundaries should be. You knew what was appropriate for my age and you made me act accordingly. You took the hard job and was the 'bad cop' but I respect you all the more for it now. You grounded me and gave me lectures for the mistakes I made. You helped me to realize there were consequences to my actions. It's not an easy lesson to teach, so I appreciate that you took the time and loved me enough to teach me the lessons I needed later in life.
I am sorry that we never realized all the small and the big stuff you did for us on a daily basis. You fed us three times a day. You made sure we always had clean clothes to wear. You gave us hugs and kisses when things didn't go our way or we were hurt. You drove us to our lessons and sat on the sidelines and cheered us on. You taught us how to use the toilet, how to feed ourselves, and how to walk and talk. You were literally there every step of the way.
I am sorry for all the times I rolled my eyes and was short with you when I answered the phone. You are a person and never stopped caring for me or worrying about me even as an adult. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. I am sorry I was impatient with you and didn't value your efforts to keep our relationship strong
I am sorry for the times we fought and I said horrible things to you. I will say that I was young and didn't truly understand how much words can hurt or how long they can linger. You were the strong one and you made us work through it. But you also let me know how much my words hurt you and taught me yet more valuable lessons in kindness and forgiveness.
I am sorry for the times I thought of you as 'just a mom'. You were (and are) so much more than that. You stayed home with us when we were young, you worked when we were in school, you made time for your own friends and went on dates with Dad. You are everything I wish to teach my daughter: a loving wife, a compassionate mother, a valuable employee, a great friend and a confident woman.
Most of all I am sorry for it taking me so long to show you the respect you deserve. As I go through raising my own children I know how lonely it can be at times. So often you wish someone would acknowledge your work and efforts in raising your children. So I am sorry for it taking over 36 years for me to tell you all this but you mean the world to me and I thank you.
Your Loving Daughter,
J
Simply beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI can identify with your feelings here. I really didn't appreciate my parents fully until I had children of my own. Their "imperfections" frustrated me but now I see clearly that they were only human; doing the best job they could and I have just as many of my own imperfections in parenting my own children.
Thank you for sharing such an intimate letter. Your mother is very blessed to have such a loving and reflective daughter.
It's true that you never really appreciate what your parents did for you until your a parent. Great Post! :)
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