Camping - The Aftermath

Sooo, where do I return my camping membership card? I got one in my late teens, used it quite frequently in my 20's but since I've reached my 30's & have 2 toddlers I'd now like to return my membership.

I should be clear here, I'm talking about camping with a TENT. DH doesn't think camping in a massive RV is REALLY camping so he likes to do it old school in a tent. Usually this declaration is followed with a 'When I was a kid' story that I soon tune out as I KNOW his family owns a cottage and was told they spent every summer there!

So, we did the family tenting experience and now I'd like the return my membership as a result. I'm not looking for a refund, honestly, just take it so I don't ever have to experience that again.

Some people think I exaggerate but then you simply don't know my kids or my hubby! Ask the people that stayed around us and they can give you a blow by blow description of it. Here's a bit of what happened to paint you a better picture:

1. 10 minutes in DS has scraped his hand and gotten gravel embedded in his hand.

2. 20 minutes in DH can't figure out how to set up the tent and has set it up wrong. Must take it down and start over. Kids are REALLY patient with that.

3. 40 minutes in tent is finally set up right but DS has already almost torn it down, has tripped over the tent pegs 4 times and skinned his knees, at least they match his hand - he's a Curious George band-aid king at this point.

4. 1 1/2 hours in...FIRE PIT...2 year old and 3 year old...need I say more??

5. 2 hours in, supper is over and I commence washing dishes, DS picks up a huge handful of dirt and rocks and puts it into the wash bin and all the dishes I'm washing are now filthy - oh well, I still use the water anyway as it will take too long to boil another pot.

6. 3 Hours in kids are tired and wanting to go to bed, it doesn't mean they actually GO to bed though. DS gets into DH's cell phone and plays with it until we find him and put him back in bed. 10 minutes later he's found DH's wallet and takes absolutely everything out of the wallet and spread it around the tent, it takes forever to find all the change, receipts and credit cards. He does this again with DH's toiletry bag, the kids' suitcase and mine.

7. 4 Hours in I'm sick of going in to the tent every 10 minutes to put them to bed so give up and go lay in the tent with them to try and keep them from getting up every 5 minutes. Yay camping.

8. 5 Hours in (around 9pm) DH comes in, puts in EAR PLUGS and goes to sleep while I stay up continuously putting the kids back down.

9. 6 Hours in DD finally goes to sleep

10. 6 1/2 Hours in DS finally goes to sleep. Promptly 10 minutes later someone pulls into the spot across from us to set up their trailer, starts blaring tacky music and a blender starts up. Swear to God, a BLENDER!?!

11. Throughout the night a car alarm goes off 4 times, blender goes off countless times, DS and DD are up over a dozen times (I actually lost count) and I get 2 hours of sleep while DH snores away with his EAR PLUGS.

12. Next day highlights.
- DS's hand look infected from the 1st day's accident. He falls into some shrubs and now both legs are full of scratches to match his scraped knees.

- He sticks his hand into a pop can and slices the heck out of 1 finger so he's really looking beat up now.

- DS throws probably the biggest rock he can lift and it hits DD right in the back of the head.

- DH takes the kids for a walk and is certain DS was stung by a wasp and DD is covered in mosquito bites.

- DD finds a knife and decides to play with it but I am able to stop her before she does any damage

- DH burns himself quite badly on the fire pit while showing DD (who is 3) how to put logs on the fire. Hate to say it but better him than her

- DH puts the kids to bed, they fall asleep with 30 minutes but so does he! After I wait for him I finally wake him up so we can actually sit by this stupid fire that is supposed to be so great. He BRAGS about how 'you just need to wear the kids out' before you put them to bed (OK Mr. EAR PLUGS) and then I'm quite satisfied that within 3 minutes of that statement both kids are up - HA!

- Kids are up all night again, yes that's over a dozen times again. Blender doesn't start up that night but the stupid car alarm goes off again multiple times. I mean really, is it necessary?!?!

13. Day Three. Oh forget it, I think you get the picture by now...my kids are handful and so is DH. If I'd had any sense right at the start I would have taken those stupid EAR PLUGS and thrown them in the fire. That way he could have sat up with me all night long and understood why I was so tired and had a hard time managing the kids.

Long story short - if someone can tell me who to return my membership card to I'd appreciate it as I see it getting no further use. From now on I'd rather rent a cabin for a week and still get that 'great sitting around the fire' experience. And no matter what type of vacation we do in the future I think EAR PLUGS should be banned!